Before I met my wife at age 29, I had no interest in marriage and zero interest in kids. No F’ing way.
But, then I started dating my now wife.
Right from the start, things were different.
I was showing up differently. Instead of running away when things got hard, I pushed myself to stay in and work through the struggle.
I had never done this.
Historically, I blamed and “made wrong” every single partner I dated. I didn’t think I had “relationship issues.”
Boy, was I wrong.
Once my wife and I made a commitment to marriage, which was heroic after 2 painful breakups, it was game on.
I wanted kids immediately.
Deep down, I knew that a successful long-term relationship meant that you had to put effort in to get results (Amazing how many people think that a great relationship should just feel good and always feel good).
Fourteen years later, things are better than I could have ever dreamed of. Here is why.
Did you know that between 40-50% of marriages end in divorce?
Studies suggest that 20 percent of marriages end within the first five years and that this number increased by 12 percent within ten years. But between 10 years and 15 years, the rate only grows about 8 percent, implying that one of the safest stages of your marriage is between years 10 and 15.
Overall, the national length of marriage in the United States is about 8.2 years.
Wow. Shocking, right? So, what does this mean?
Does this mean you should avoid relationships all together? Of course not.
Remember, you will die one day, and you will leave this world, but just because that is true doesn't mean you don’t want to share your entire life with one special person.
Relationships aren't always about forever - High-quality relationships are about the depth and growth during the journey.
And without the right approach to relationships and marriage, you will dramatically increase your chances of a loving relationship turning sour, then ending in a painful divorce.
"The most commonly reported major contributors to divorce were lack of commitment, infidelity, and conflict/arguing. The most common "final straw" reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use. More participants blamed their partners than blamed themselves for the divorce."
That statement sounds about right, but it's more helpful to look at what gets people to those "final straws" in the first place.